Meg 2: The Trench Review: This Silly Shark Sequel Has No Bite
"The Meg," the movie that dared ask, "What if a shark ... was really big?", now has a sequel that asks, "What if there were even more really big sharks? And also, what if we made that boring?" A film destined for the August dumping pile, "Meg 2: The Trench" is notable because it comes from filmmaker Ben Wheatley, a director responsible for the disturbing masterpiece "Kill List," the J.G. Ballard adaptation "High Rise," and more. Wheatley is an excellent filmmaker, and the idea of giving him a blockbuster budget to make a giant shark movie is enticing, at least on paper. Sadly, Wheatley can't work his magic here, as he's saddled with a clunky, dull, low-energy script by Jon Hoeber, Erich Hoeber, and Dean Georgaris. Just how do you make a movie about gigantic prehistoric sharks chomping on modern-day humans so dull? It's kind of impressive.
Once again our human hero is diver extraordinaire Jonas Taylor, played with typical gruff gusto by Jason Statham. In the years since the first film, Jonas has become an "eco-warrior." Like Aquaman, he protects the seas, thwarting polluters who would dare dump toxic waste into the water. When he's not doing that, he's hanging out with brilliant scientist Jiuming (Wu Jing) at a gigantic aquatic lab where a megalodon swims around in captivity (we know Jiuming is a genius because he builds cool robot suits). Jiuming is the brother of Suyin Zhang, Jonas' love interest from the first film. Actress Li Bingbing did not return, so her character has been killed off, enabling Jonas to raise her precocious daughter Meiying (Sophia Cai). Jonas' buddies Mac (Cliff Curtis) and DJ (Page Kennedy) are also around. Everyone works together like one big happy shark-studying family.
When you go into a movie like this, you have a certain set of expectations. You know you're (probably) not going to get something groundbreaking, but you expect to be at least entertained. But "Meg 2" doesn't seem to understand what it has on its hands. This time there are three megs, and yet they feel like complete afterthoughts. The first hour of the film, which traps Jonas and his pals in a secret underwater mining operation, is almost meg-free. The massive sharks occasionally swim by the camera to remind us they're there, but they have no real presence. Where's the fun? Where's the pulpy adventure? Where's the exit?
Too little too late
The first hour of "Meg 2" drags on with no real direction. Jonas and the gang end up 25,000 feet under the sea, in a deep trench home to all sorts of unexplored, monstrous sea life. Yes, it's not just megs that the characters have to deal with — there are dinosaur-like creatures that feel like "Jurassic Park" rejects, and a giant squid, too. Adding new threats to the high seas is a fine idea, but the monsters never feel genuine. I'm not saying I expected "Meg 2" to be a realistic giant shark movie, but it feels so completely disconnected from anything resembling reality that it begins to grow tedious. What are we supposed to grab hold of here? Statham's performance is fine, in the sense that he's doing what he usually does in roles like this — glowering with the occasional quip. Statham and Wu Jing have fun buddy chemistry together, and making Jonas a default dad to Meiying allows Statham to soften up a bit. But the characters themselves are duds — it's hard to give a damn about any of them, especially when they're frantically trying to get away from the megs.
Wheatley tries to add some touches here and there. There's a genuinely unnerving close-up of a character's helmet imploding underwater, and late in the film the director puts the camera inside the mouth of one of the megs as we watch helpless swimmers sucked up and chewed out — it's horrific, although the scene doesn't linger very long; this is a PG-13 rated movie, after all.
A murky plot involving corporate espionage offers a new threat to our heroes, and they have to fight off not only megs but also a horde of gun-toting bad guys, including Montes (Sergio Peris-Mencheta), a villain with a grudge against Jonas. But what we really want to see is a bunch of big ass sharks go crazy. Thankfully, "Meg 2" eventually gets there, sending the characters (and the sharks) to a vacation getaway spot called "Fun Island." It's here where "Meg 2" becomes the film it should've always been — a feeding frenzy as rude tourists become shark chow. The climax ramps up the action, giving us Statham cruising around on a jetski throwing exploding harpoons (!) at the sharks. But it's too little too late.
Not silly enough
Ever since "Jaws" took a bite out of the box office, we've been blessed and/or cursed with a world of sharksploitation flicks — schlock with titles like "Sharknado" and "Sharktopus" and "Frankenshark." These are not good movies, but they have the good sense to know they're not good movies. They have no lofty goals. "Meg 2" feels like a bigger budgeted version of these films, but not as fun. And not as lively. Perhaps "Meg 2" probably should've gone right to SYFY, then it might've at least been entertaining.
To be fair, the second half of the film does throw a few bits of silly excitement our way, like when Statham uses a helicopter propeller as a weapon. But getting to these scenes is a chore, and the momentary thrill they create fades pretty damn quickly. The movie is either too silly or not silly enough, I can't quite decide. But I don't fault "Meg 2: The Trench" for being silly. I do fault it for being boring.
/Film Rating: 4 out of 10